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August 2, 2014, 2:06 am
Spuddy the Hero, Carlo the Bruiser, Wakers and Kash Bicker as Nomads 1s Take all 30 Points Against Horsham at the SCMG

Scribe pulled himself out of his sweaty bed (it’s warm, mind out of the gutter, readers) to collect the agreeable James Wilkes-Green from the station to give him his 1st team debut in the always hard fought duel with Horsham at the SCMG.

It was to remain warm all day. And the football was hot. That’s what happens when you twin Scribe with A. Phillips. Goals. Hot goals, no less.

Jeremy displeased Scribe by winning the toss. Poor from him. But he stuck the ‘ham in and we set about our sweaty task.

Big C down the hill and bowler-who-bats-a-bit Faith up it. Carlo hadn't actually slept that night, waiting up so he would be ready to meet Kizie, Kizziah and Kimora at ungodly o'clock, but there was little sign of it as he generated some zip down the hill.

Faithy found some early nibble and pop. Scribe is still sporting a left boob medal from one that got too big on him to the point where the hands were out of the equation, Scribe boobing it aerial and taking it at the second attempt.

However, wickety threat was not immediately apparent, with Horsham's capable opening pairing of Burroughs and Ben Shoare (or as we prefer to say ‘Sheikh Abdul bin Shoare’ (pronounced Shoo-arr-ay) – for absolutely no reason) getting things underway relatively comfortably.

The heroes swiftly reacted by switching ends to give C the uphill job with the lateral slope encouraging the ball to leave the right hander, Faithy to come down it, the downhill encouraging the ball to reach the stumps.

Kashy took the fill in over and swiftly caught Sheikh Abdul bin Shoare napping, a straight one didn't turn, the Sheikh trying to turn it to leg had got too far across, Laws did the rest.

Ah. Sorry Faithy, hold it there mate.

The change of ends also worked wonders for Carlo, his very first delivery raising an lbw shout against Burroughs that might have seen Scribe punch a hole in his left forearm in a DRS enabled contest.

In the end it was not long after this that Burroughs' innings would conclude in altogether more spectacular and painful circumstances. Carlo releasing a vicious skiddy bouncer that was heading leg-side but straightened back towards the lid. The slightly unusual back-from-leg-side angle of approach, coupled with the pace of the delivery seemingly startled John who froze and let the ball clang him full on in the side of the lid. It was quickly apparent said lid did a pretty shithouse job, the grill snapping clean off the join with the fasteners, allowing the momentum of the ball to carry straight on into John’s boat race. He was forced off and a swift trip to hospital was the order of the day for running repairs to his jaw line. John always seems a decent lad and a good player, so we didn’t and don’t revel in his getting hurt, but we all know it is a physical game and it really was a sweet bit of fast bowling.

Another pretty hostile, rather glorious bit of fast bowling removed the youthful Haines, who’d so impressed with his runs at Horsham last year, only second ball. A just short nut reared up across the left hander who got a bit of glove/bat on it through the Scribe.

Big C was now a genuine handful and Craig Gallagher was visibly flustered as he started to face him.

Kashy had a brief churn to complete his spell, but no more wickets would materialise as Gallagher bedded in a bit with the solid looking James Johnson.

Sadly Scribe lightly erred around this point. Johnson gloving a loose C delivery down the leg side. A full length Scribe caught the dipping ball in his left hand, but it lodged near the base of the hand and the impact with the ground forced Scribes hand to fold, dislodging the ball. It was given out, but the ball lay on the ground just behind Scribe when he finished in a crumpled heap so we swiftly overruled it. Scribe still doesn’t feel too guilty about this one, it was a real toughy with the dip on the ball and it was pleasing to catch it. Just shame the floor dislodged it.

Things settled for a while here and Scribe started to get a little angsty. He needn’t have.

Just as things settled, Spuddy’s arrival drew a missed sweep of a pretty darn straight nut out of Gallagher. There was a big stride in, but Laws opted to be bold and sent him on his way.

At the other end as Big C was perhaps starting to look a little less venomous he delivered an utter jaffa to Johnson. The ball was too close to leave, Johnson went forward to block, doing nothing wrong, the ball viciously nipped away, took a thick edge and gave Scribe a 2nd bight of the cherry.

Spuddy then removed Sam Attfield, whose decision was more straightforward, Spuddy’s nasty zipper-onner catching the new skipper in front with less of a stride.

Spud only needed one delivery to remove Leverock and unleash the kind of deranged exuberant celebration that only he can. A flighted nut drawing a big drive, turning through the left hander’s gate and taking the middle stump. I think Spud enjoyed that one.

Horsham were now reeling at 74/6, but they did then respond, taking the total from the realms of disastrous to disappointing, courtesy of their keeper Johnson and in particular his propensity for 6 hitting. After a more pedestrian start he set up for a slog sweep off Spud, his legs gave way, but his head and arms remained in place and he thuncked it impressively over square leg (albeit chest high across the rope at the exact point Faith had moved from a ball earlier).

More were to follow, another 2 off Spud and consecutive 6s (and consecutive ball hunts) off Big C meant he’d struck 30 of his 38 in maximums when he went for a cheeky lap sweep that he cruelly ramped into his own lid, popping up as a sitter for Scribe. Cameo over, 119/7.

Cronshaw then played the wrong line to give Spuddy his 5 for and we wrapped up the innings on 130 when Seth Efrican overseas Muller had a big heave, missed it and got stumped. Just.

Tea was to be a welcome respite from the heat, but we weren’t there yet. We had 50 minutes to bat, and in the case of Scribe, field. Yes, Scribe was summoned/volunteered to have his second stint at sub fielding to replace Burroughs prior to his return from hospital. Aside from very alarmingly spending one ball in the cordon, Scribe’s main take away from this was that Horsham all knew his name. This, of course, is not surprising, he’s been playing against them for years, but it was enjoyable none the less.

OG opened up with Dan and they got things going fairly well. A few chancier inside edges from Gatts were balanced by some useful scoring shots, including a ridiculously relaxed cover drive off the pacey Muller for 4.

Dan set about his task more conservatively, but pretty chancelessly, and we moved on fairly briskly to the 40 mark.

Sadly OG was the first to go charging by a Mike Munday looper. This one sliding straight down the OGBS between bat and pad and he was stumped. Albeit rather messily. With the ending up ball loose on the ground, Scribe felt the umps had been rather trusting with the Horsham keeper there.

At this point Scribe was replaced by Burroughs who seemed fighting fit again and he left the field before he saw Dan be caught at mid-on off Munday, but Scribe did hear the groans of disappointment. Dan didn’t cover himself in glory with that one apparently.

James Wilkes-Green was joined by Jeremy Arthur Green and they bedded in, the skipper with a couple of sweet shots, JWG looking solid and showing that he clearly knows which end of the bat to hold. And that was tea at about 57/2.

Back out from tea and things hit a pretty solid speed bump. Firstly JWG copped a bit of an unfortunate one when a big Munday turner beat everything. Then JAG played the wrong line on a Munday straight one. Then Azbo turned his hands early on a Muller nut and we had lost 3 wickets for 2 runs, parked at 59/5, and things were looking less than rosey.

We needn’t have worried, the skipper pumped the in-form Kashy to next in (much to the chagrin of Spud!) and the boys would see us home with a pretty classy 75 run partnership. Kashy caught a bit of a break early on with what looked more than handy as an lbw shout against Muller, but it was the last scare that Scribe can remember.

Always great to see these two bat together, because they hate doing it. Their batting is complementary, but their running is utterly contradictory. This led to a friendly hostility which saw some naughty attempted strike hogging from each as they vied for the higher score. Wakers won, 38* from 41 to Kashy’s 33* from 42.


A really good, fairly early finishing win that and though we remain effectively 2nd, an unspecified distance behind Roffey, as they have a game in hand. Next week we trek to Hastings who, for reasons that are not immediately clear, have been having a torrid time of it this year. It will be our job to not be the team they turn their results around against.

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